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Sunday, August 03, 2003

Running Tots on a Lazy Sunday Afternn

Realise how vulnerable my two babes audz & mich r on their blogs....when i first started dis page, i wanted it to be a place where i take digs at myself and ppl i love...or 'hate' for that matter...
However, been realising some of my intimate feelins r seeping thru into the words on dis page...mebbe i haven been vulnerable for a long time and afraid of getting hurt...i dunno

Yez cell mtg after service, we brought up the issue of our cell not being close and elison not sure if she's mentoring us or not...sitting there listening as she shares her tots and feelins made me feel bad coz i was one of those who rejected her concern at times coz i was totalli shunning off other ppl...
WTF after shirley decided to leave...without even sparing a tot abt me....it still hurts...i still haven called her...not dat i hav not forigiven her...but i realli dunno wat i can say or share or tok to her abt now...
Insensitive and oblivious, i forgot my leader has feelins...made of flesh and blood...is an inidividual too...so after so long...those tears were aching to jerk out of my eyes...

I juz wanna say i am so sorry...for not seeing u as a person...for shutting u off w the rest....You r the ONLY person i ever realli allowed to speak into my life...ever since the day you asked me to stay for the retreat...ever since i met you after talking to RH during the encounter...ever since u were in the hostel rm crying along w me when my heart broke...ever since dat day of network mtg i couldnt bear it and hid....you found me...
No one had i ever went up to to voluntary share wats up w my life...without having to be asked....you were the first...
God has a plan for u and shld it be an open door somewhere else I sincerely wish u all the best...coz I know the BIg Guy is watching out for u all teh way...i juz pray dat watever hurts i've caused He'll heal...Thanks for being a leader who cares..shares...relates...directs...affirms...reprimands...open...honest...thank u


With slight puffy eyes *make dat HUGE puffs*, ventured out w jordan and the rest for number ball @ marina south. Back ard 2 plus...J shared abt some things in his life and i realli felt so silly being all wrapped up w my work and stuff when others may be facing life issues. Did i pray...manz..for him...after he left...

Guess i m so lost....need Him to give me a purpose and a direction....rite now there;s juz work work and more work...tho i m loving it....i knoe life needs to be more than dis...

"Show me Your ways
That I may walk with You
Show me Your ways
I put my hope in You

The cry of my heart is to ove You more
To live with the touch of Your hand
Stronger each day
Show me Your ways"

Show me Your ways - Russell Fragar



Elise @ 12:30 PM | comment link here

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about

nadir...loves Big Guy, dad-mum-sis-bro-granz, donkey, audz-ben-abby-shalom, mich, piper, sleepydog, yina, david, shue, mich c, smelly...

Can't do without my iriver, guitars, folksy singers, soulful jazz, linkin park, corrine may, jars of clay, sonic flood, tom yum kung, green tea...bascially music and food move me.

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