Thursday, December 04, 2003
TalkAs i was talking to shank on the phone, i kinda realise a major revelation abt myself - that i aint in a relationship not so much as in not having guys in my life but more so for the fact that i aint gonna spare the effort and heartache to go thru all the nitty gritty things dat u get in the package called Relationship. Of coz there's the other fact that there aint no guys...hahah so i m problem free yeah? =)
He didnt take it too well...but final conclusion on my part is that God will take care of dat and i m not in a position to go on a guilt trip or blame myself. Asked him how he can feel so strongly towards me after so long but all he cld say was he didnt know as well and this fact of not knowing scares him too. My response? I jus held my tongue, kinda flabbergasted.
Anyone who knows me will knoe...come on...i m not a NICE person (and i m honestly not fishing for any disagreemts to make myself feel better)...i hav my flaws, faults, bad stupid idiosyncracies. I hold on to my firm belief taht it will take a lot for someone to realli like me for who i m...and i m not kidding nor is dis statement stemming fr a gal w low self-estemm. I hav long gone over dat.
*k..i can hear ppl disagreeing (i hope!haha=) ) but its the truth and nothing but the truth*
Still assessing if i feel bad giving up dis chance...coz rite now no one knoes wats gonna happen...but somehow being able to write all dis out means i aint feeling i hav lost anything. At most, its a friendship which i tink wld hav been realli great and loads of fun.
The Big Guy has His ways so i shall leave Him to do wat He;s best at.
Part of me is feeling scared dat i can divide things up so well....wats emotional..wats not...dat i m being to feel i may be indeed numb inside. If its true, it'll be realli sad, aint it?
So here's a toast to facing the next year as Elise and onli Elise =)
Anyway, enuff blabbing. Spent the incredible day with Mich. Nothing spectacular, no special activities...yet it meant a lot to me to juz chill out and talk. Accomplished wat we sent out to do..at least Mich did..which is to get smting to wear for audz's wedding dinner. Tink for me i will juz grab wat i already hav and go for it.
Personalli witnessed how SWG is played. Totalli cool! Imagine being in a virtual reality world dat is as dynamic as the real one. You can practically live ur REAL life out there..at some planet...set up ur home and be realli happy.
Its amazing! Cept for the $120 bucks price tag and the monthly subscription fee, is stopping this cheapo fr jumping straight into Tatooine. Shucks!
Nm...there's always Gunbound to depend on when u need it!
Currently 6000++ gold...need 3000+ gold coins before i can purchase a simple piece of avatar! SIgh! Its hard work...but i aint dissauded.
Reading dis ultimate cool book "Coffee & Kung Fu" abt dis gal whose life is inspired by Jackie Chan Kung Fu Shows. We r not talking abt Shanghai Noon but real old Hongkie kinda shows which he did in the past. Absoluately love her way she views life...i.e. similar to my warped up thinking!
Well..after dis "dodo" book...it will be on to an "intelligent" book.
Hey, a gal has to balance wat she is getting into her head, yeah?
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nadir...loves Big Guy, dad-mum-sis-bro-granz, donkey, audz-ben-abby-shalom,
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