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Friday, January 09, 2004

F**ked Up

Its been a while since i hav used dis word, normalli reserved for times when i m realli angry and DO NOT care wat ppl tink abt me or who r ard me. Sigh...sensing dis is gonna be a real angry blog...so be forewarned!

Never believed i wld do smthing so dumb...and cowardish - went down to the prc thing juz now but barely 5 mins in the presence of the pompous crowd, i planned an escape route via the toilet. Hence i was outta there in no time.

i juz cldnt fit in...and realli feel i stood out like a sore thumb - not physically of coz...juz very lost i dun knoe anyone and i m definitely not keen to knoe anyone at all. I dunno if dis is a sign of aging, a development of an attitude problem that is fast arresting me.

I feel so confused and shitty. I kept thinking...will the elise of the past even do such a thing liddat? I believed from wat i can rem abt her...when she chooses to, she can get into a crowd effortlessly. Now, she juz seems a pathetic loser who's inept at making new frens.

Well, let's put it dis way...she doesnt even feel the need to get new frens. To the extent that i feel she's being so cold, distant and unfrenly. Things always change for the better? It doesnt sound like it here.

Anyway, thus ends my story of my sad day. Next time dun ever promise someone to go for something dat u knoe wil be uncomfortable, esp not on ur bday. Coz it will leave u with no one to hang out w shld u skip the scheduled programme.

Lots more details of wat hap but tink i shall edit them out. YEah, now i cant even write my honest tots on my blog anymore.
Feel sad too dat mich is going thru her 'trials'....was reading her blog and her anguish was practically bursting out from the screen.

All is not lost - was on the phone w sleepydog..darling called from down under...how sweet! and siaocharbo sharing the same bday as me actualli rang me up. Tho haven been mtg her at all, tink our connectivity is always there....i almost cried on the bus.
She's such a dear....

Trying to blame all dis on PMS but heck, my period is over!Geez...i feel like a REAL big loser all over again.

HAppie Birthday to myself. (Mummy dad sis and bro w me...family is way more dependable den frens....tink i m gonna cry...)

Elise @ 10:46 PM | comment link here

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nadir...loves Big Guy, dad-mum-sis-bro-granz, donkey, audz-ben-abby-shalom, mich, piper, sleepydog, yina, david, shue, mich c, smelly...

Can't do without my iriver, guitars, folksy singers, soulful jazz, linkin park, corrine may, jars of clay, sonic flood, tom yum kung, green tea...bascially music and food move me.

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