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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Perseverance

This has been a trying holiday...both physically and emotionally. Grandma's op was scheduled on 8th June and the whole family has been literally camping out @ sgh since then. Wound is healing well, according to the doctors and hopefully she will be able to remove the stitches on Thur and be back home soon.

It was really tiring trying to talk to her when she is in her depressive moods. Constant encouragement, praise and attention had to be showered, even 'mock' scolding sessions. She seems to respond best to my aunt and me so we had to counsel and rebutt every of her strange 'imagined' problems, like not having money to buy the diapers she is using, fear of causing my mum and aunt their jobs to look after her and being a burden to us etc.

Realised over this episode that I can, quite fluently, pray, share testimony and bible verses & stories in Cantonese. The family now relies on me solely to pray in Canto, which is strange since most of us do speak the dialect. Am glad for the time spent too as it has been a while when I can take time to chat with her and simply just be there for her. Have to admit it is really exhausting to commute there and back, and having to finish work at night at home.

Really have to give thanks to the Lord for bringing her through the op, the little complications she experienced during the op (skull bone and skin were in such bad condition after the radiation that the bone had to be taken out and skin patched back without grafting as her heart was weak). There were no infection, praise God! Just being hooked to the life support machine for about more than a day in the ICU. My heart broke when I saw her all the same, lying there in the room with the tubes protuding from her body.

Want to thank some people as well for being there when I needed someone to lean on:
1) Elison for flying back just in time when I needed a shoulder in the dinghy tent in the rain.
2) Leanna, Lydia and Yina whose bouquet came as a surprise and really cheered up my day, as well as their visit at the hospital to brighten up my grandma's day.
3) Cynthia and Wenkang for taking time out to visit and simply being there for me.
4) Audz for praying. I know I can count on her faithful prayers.
5) Shu'e for being so thoughtful that I felt she was with me the entire time.

Of course, this time caused me to reflect about general things in life and I'll probably need some time to get over some disappointments. I must say it is not easy to trust others again since it was a huge let-down. You can have it another way: be aloof and carry on your own without needing to care for others (which was what I am). Live for yourself by yourself, and of course with God. Was really shocked when I could be so mad at some people. Maybe I shouldn't expect too much. Standards are hard to keep up.

Really trying my best to 'consider it as pure joy' through these trials...

Sis is going to KKH next Mon for her op on Tue. I shudder to think of the treatments that come with it. Some things that I am shocked by are my mum's and her strength. I always thought I had to keep the family going,both financially and emotionally, but I have to admit these two ladies are way above me in the strength department.

I am tired. Hopefully this is the last I'll face for this time. Right,Lord? =)

Elise @ 11:47 AM | comment link here

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nadir...loves Big Guy, dad-mum-sis-bro-granz, donkey, audz-ben-abby-shalom, mich, piper, sleepydog, yina, david, shue, mich c, smelly...

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