Saturday, December 30, 2006
Dermoid cyst of the ovary : A bizarre tumor, usually benign, in the ovary that typically contains a diversity of tissues including hair, teeth, bone, thyroid, etc.A dermoid cyst develops from a totipotential germ cell (a primary oocyte) that is retained within the egg sac (ovary). Being totipotential, that cell can give rise to all orders of cells necessary to form mature tissues and often recognizable structures such as hair, bone and sebaceous (oily) material, neural tissue and teeth.
Dermoid cysts may occur at any age but the prime age of detection is in the childbearing years. The average age is 30. Up to 15% of women with ovarian teratomas have them in both ovaries. Dermoid cysts can range in size from a centimeter (less than a half inch) up to 45 cm (about 17 inches) in diameter.
These cysts can cause the ovary to twist (torsion) and imperil its blood supply. The larger the dermoid cyst, the greater the risk of rupture with spillage of the greasy contents which can create problems with adhesions, pain etc. Although the large majority (about 98%) of these tumors are benign, the remaining fraction (about 2%) becomes cancerous (malignant).
Removal of the dermoid cyst is usually the treatment of choice. This can be done by laparotomy (open surgery) or laparoscopy (with a scope). Torsion (twisting) of the ovary by the cyst is an emergency and calls for urgent surgery.
Dermoid cysts of the ovary are also called simply dermoids or ovarian teratomas.
~ Extracted fromMedicineNet.com
Feel unusually calm even when I was told about the news that I do have one of this inside me. Perhaps it was because my mum was with me and I didn't want her to worry about me. First thoughts were the bad timing - this happening at the start of a new school term. What is going to happen to my p6 kiddos? How about their work?...a flurry of such thoughts.
Didn't know how to feel otherwise. Didn't feel it was unlucky that I got it, nor why it has to be me, which is strange as I feel these are the probable questions we do think of when bad things hit us. Second thoughts were about money...whether I will be paid when I'm sick. Then I stupidly remembered I'll only be on medical leave, not no-pay leave. Heart almost stopped a beat when I thought there will be no income coming to feed my family. Strange yah? I can be slow sometimes.
What a unique way to start a new year! Thankfully the doc suggested a date that is after my birthday, in order for me to settle stuff at work. I am just so glad I don't have to spend my bday in the hospital. So it is fixed - 11/1/07 , doomsday. After that, one month of lying around at home. Scary thought.
Though I am defnitely not ready to start work, I am now kinda missing that one month which I'll be out of action. Sigh...
On the other hand, am silently praying that the biopsy report of the cyst will be good, meaning benign. Hard to tell, especially since my sis's the cancerous one. That is the 2% chance. It is all in God's hands. Needed to make sure my mum, sis, grandma do not get worried.
Didn't realise I am such a workaholic and task-oriented till the thought of who's gonna pay the bills, credit cards etcif I have to be at home. Hmm, even Shu told me I sounded as if I was talking about work when I told her about the condition.
Guess the other complication is that the cyst is inside the left ovary - the only one I have left after the emergency op when I was 7 yrs old. The doc needs to repair it after taking the cyst out. Sounds as if it's reparing a burst balloon...eeeeww.
People who know have been smsing me about how I'm feeling. I really don't know how to answer that question. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling. There are still a couple of close frens I have not told and I don't know how to start. Imagine a conversation:
Me: Hey, hi!
A: Hi!
Me: How are you doing?
A: Fine, you?
Me: Good, good. By the way, I'm going for an op to remove a cyst.
A:......*speechless*
Hahaa. Think most people's reactions will be sympathetic, so they probably don't know what to say and the situation will be so awkward.
Anyway, I just want to enjoy whatever time I have left before work starts and the op.
Oh movie review time! Just caught this a few days ago. It goes down as one of the not-too-bad chinese films I've seen so far (which is literally zero?).
Friday, December 29, 2006
So it is final...the truth did not set in till tonight that we are not going to stay together as a group. Even though I had the advantage of knowing the news a few days before the rest, somehow the heaviness still sets in, in a greater measure than before. Seeing a few of their tears roll confirmed the fact that they cannot bear to leave too. It's really hard to put into words how you really feel inside, even after the long cab ride back home and you had time to process it all.What next?I'm really at a loss. Really really feel exhausted this entire year and just when it is about to end, a last dynamite is dropped onto my lap. How's that for a farewell 2006and welcome 2007 present?
Guess what made it worse is the earlier events in school. Finally went up to the VP straight-faced to request for my form class back, citing that I was their form teacher this year and should naturally follow up the relationship for next year. He said he would need to see what can be done. Yup, not sure if can make the change and see if it can be done. Why penalise me if you did not do your proper planning beforehand? Or is it simply poor planning or some 'clever' manoeuvre to place people in the 'right' places and make me the sacrificial lamb? Just because I'm the okay type who wouldn't utter a word with whatever they throw at me? This is the time where meekness and compliance are not the best things you can store in your quiver. Should stock up on ammunition like whine to the boss, speak put loud and let the whole world know,and not forgetting playing the resident bitch. So I guess the Ms Goody-2-shoes is gone and the bitchiness level in me shot straight up.
What's even *&^%$ is that I'm dragged into EL com for next year. I hereby declare in black and white that I have NEVER showed any interest to return to that com. What is the use of doing the job of a level rep? A mere administrator! I thought I made it clear I did not wanan go in and that's why I did not sms any response to the 'invitation' to the com. Before my ro left the room, she was sure i was in PD. Next thing I know, PD has to give one up as the core IPs need people. And they said I am one of those 'potential ones they have spotted'? What nonsense and crap is this!? Shaving off 2 periods from my timetable because they 'notice my timetable is overloaded and I may need time to study for my Masters'? You SO totally miss the point folks! Please wake up your ideas!*
*Pardon the bad English...somehow proper English fail me now.
Planning to speak to the P tomorrow and see how it goes. If I never ask, I'll never know and probably never get it.
I really want to trust you Lord and your plans for me. It is getting increasing difficult with all these thrown one after another, and some all together. How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? How many pains must one suffer before he passes the test?
Just tell me...how many?
Monday, December 25, 2006
LostHave you ever been so sure of something and plunge your heart and soul into it, then realise that you need to redirect and find another path?
Felt myself in somewhat of a heartbreak situation and it's not even concerning a guy. Indeed a thrilling way to embrace the next year ahead. Allow me some space to wallow in self-pity and melancholic moping. Hard to do it nowadays in front of others.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Everybody (at least from my generation and era) knows the song 'Somebody' by Depeche Mode, yah? Kind of feeling that these couple of days. Must be due to the immense amount of time I have to start thinking about the future, myself, people around...It's especially more in-my-face when I witnessed the nurses cleaning my sis's open wound and her crying in fear and pain. I kept thinking that oughta be someone who I can simply download all these to, someone physically present and able to allow me a shoulder to lean and obviously cry on. Someone who will not be burdened if I were to download all the emotions that I have inside, then pat my head and says 'Everything's gonna be alright!', no matter how cliche that may sound.I used to think that I alone am enough for this world, what life brings, and of course to face it with Him. Yet that nagging feeling sprouted even before I realised it. Guess it is always the time of the lonely season - Xmas. As much as it is a time for families to gather and celebrate a good year spent, friends appreciating each other and remembering the journeys they ventured together, it is an easy time to fall into the I-am-so-alone-so-help-me-God kinda mood.
I want to get away, be by myself, spend a whole day lying in bed, throw myself into the cool waters of the sea, feel gentle breeze caressing my face, not needing to speak a single word for a day.
Allow me a moment to be selfish, not to be someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's friend, but simply me, myself and I.
No, my life's not sad and sappy. I ain't down and out. I am not spiritually dry. Perhaps one word sums it all up...STRETCHED.
Like a rubber band that is pulled, I think I need a bout of release.
Lead me beside quiet waters, green pastures...coz I shall not be in want.
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