Friday, December 29, 2006
So it is final...the truth did not set in till tonight that we are not going to stay together as a group. Even though I had the advantage of knowing the news a few days before the rest, somehow the heaviness still sets in, in a greater measure than before. Seeing a few of their tears roll confirmed the fact that they cannot bear to leave too. It's really hard to put into words how you really feel inside, even after the long cab ride back home and you had time to process it all.What next?I'm really at a loss. Really really feel exhausted this entire year and just when it is about to end, a last dynamite is dropped onto my lap. How's that for a farewell 2006and welcome 2007 present?
Guess what made it worse is the earlier events in school. Finally went up to the VP straight-faced to request for my form class back, citing that I was their form teacher this year and should naturally follow up the relationship for next year. He said he would need to see what can be done. Yup, not sure if can make the change and see if it can be done. Why penalise me if you did not do your proper planning beforehand? Or is it simply poor planning or some 'clever' manoeuvre to place people in the 'right' places and make me the sacrificial lamb? Just because I'm the okay type who wouldn't utter a word with whatever they throw at me? This is the time where meekness and compliance are not the best things you can store in your quiver. Should stock up on ammunition like whine to the boss, speak put loud and let the whole world know,and not forgetting playing the resident bitch. So I guess the Ms Goody-2-shoes is gone and the bitchiness level in me shot straight up.
What's even *&^%$ is that I'm dragged into EL com for next year. I hereby declare in black and white that I have NEVER showed any interest to return to that com. What is the use of doing the job of a level rep? A mere administrator! I thought I made it clear I did not wanan go in and that's why I did not sms any response to the 'invitation' to the com. Before my ro left the room, she was sure i was in PD. Next thing I know, PD has to give one up as the core IPs need people. And they said I am one of those 'potential ones they have spotted'? What nonsense and crap is this!? Shaving off 2 periods from my timetable because they 'notice my timetable is overloaded and I may need time to study for my Masters'? You SO totally miss the point folks! Please wake up your ideas!*
*Pardon the bad English...somehow proper English fail me now.
Planning to speak to the P tomorrow and see how it goes. If I never ask, I'll never know and probably never get it.
I really want to trust you Lord and your plans for me. It is getting increasing difficult with all these thrown one after another, and some all together. How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? How many pains must one suffer before he passes the test?
Just tell me...how many?
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