Thursday, April 29, 2004
Puddle of Mud - BlurryEverything�s so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody�s empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
you could be my someone
you could be my savior
you know that I'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
everyone is changing
there�s no one left that�s real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
you could be my someone
you could be my savior
you know that I'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Oh, Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you where to run away
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you where to run away
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
this pain you gave to me
you take it all
you take it all away...
this pain you gave to me
you take it all away
this pain you gave to me
take it all away
this pain
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
CRASHING.....smack down 2 earthfeel darn *&^%$#@#%^&...call it tired, stressed watever.
like wat i told wendy...God take me w u...i hav taken care of the policy...so 1.5K per mth for my folks shld be enuff to last them for a few yrs...
looking at the huge piles of stuff ard me..i started laughing.
i checked..its not pms..
tink its sleep deprivation. darn.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
THE Call...finallyYup...done my deed...maanged to call xiao meng today..after soooo long. quite stressful having dis tot at the back of my mind while i m struggling under piles of work.
tinking abt wat mich said....abt audz's tumtum...cant keep my hands off abigail...lol
thank God she;s my best bud...can imagine i do dat to any one else i wld have gotten loads of slaps and disgust!
mebbe i have said some stuff i shld have mentioned at all..cant help it and wana say it out. now..i dunno if it was for the best...hmmm...juz hope someone doesnt think too much tonight...hmmm....mebbe i juz wanna kick myself.
spent time d/ling a song fr MY FREN and turned out it sounds realli awful!dunno if its coz of the person...lol...some jamboree song!EEEKS!
anyway..kinda enjoy my weekly boring grammar lesson..coz of the ultra cool company...who never cease to leave me in stitches of laughter!!
we have the thorn - ramesh....and the roses - saadah, scarlett, daphne, rebecca.
sigh...looking for small blessings and they come in a bundle!
nothing much to blog...not feeling much, not happening much,....tired!
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Test test...Boy i have no idea wat dis means...
interpreters anyone?
PROBLEM UNDERLYING THE PRESENT STRESS -- The fear that he may be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to a restless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.
DESIRED OBJECTIVE -- His need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes him restless and he is driven by his desires and hopes. May try to spread his activities over too wide a field.
CURRENT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR -- Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for him to form a stable emotional attachment.
Hmm...the non-existence of a stable emotional attachmt sounds true!
Dreading dis week..everyday i awake i pray dat i'll be sick...den i will be worried coz i cant be sick...cant leave my work and kids...and in the end the thermometer shows me the same reading...36.9.
Mebbe prayer is too powerful...having rumbling stomach for a few days already and its not coz i m hungry (i realised coz i ate extra and it still hurt)..
something like a mini-diarhoea...if there's ever a thing liddat.
Hate dis..not sick enuff to go on mc...yet not well enuff either to be normal.
I havent been out dis whole week!*Gasp*
WHATS HAP TO ME? =(
Emotional guys turn me off. Had dis accusing thing w shank juz the other day...abt minor trivial things which he felt deeply and strongly abt. Gosh...i m so tired of dis stuff. I didnt do anything someore. Mebbe its coz i didnt do anything. Hmm..tot onli gals hav such priviledge to be whiny abt stuff liddat.
Mebbe i m wrong...oh i shld have been born w a ****.
Yeah anyway...luckily i still have my sunflower to cheer my day. =)
Strange it hasnt died since sunday.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
OopsDidnt realise i hav been MIA till i saw audz's post in the forlorn flooble board on the right. Thing is, i haven really been touching the comp @ home. Typical day for me the past week has been work, work, crash, hit the sack.
And things r getting heavier by the min. I glanced at the April calendar and realised my Sats r packed for the whole of the month. Dat made me not wanna look at the month of May. Filled w activities dat r neither voluntary or exciting. How bt dat?
Hmm...okie...since my faithful audience has requested for an update, thou shalt have it!
A poke in the back
Experienced a slight prock in the back recently by my not so neighbourly cubicle mate. Apparently M was in charge of the welfare notice board in the staff room and she's done fantastic work by putting up notices abt babies born and weddings etc. So one time a fellow colleague juz feedback to me dat the "Coming births" notice may not be appropriate as she's worried ppl may be pun tang soi tot wow...okie...and proceeded to tell dis to M. Well, she retorted dat she had already asked permission from the mothers-to-be.
"Oh okie...gd den." Shrugging my shoulders, i went back to work. Little did i know that some mornings later, ,my welfare com head stopped me in the morning at the office. She wanted to know wat was 'it' about and wat i told M. I was looking like wat-the-hell r u toking abt.
Apparently M went to her to complain abt the 'feedback' dat i gave her. (My welfare head is one of the mothers-to-be mentioned in the notice) So my welfare head wanted to clear any 'misunderstandings' in the committee. I m truly baffled.
Sadly another incident concerning M too. Well, not realli an episode but she's been having dis angsty vibe abt her...the kind dat u knoe she mitebite u anytime. She came up w a great idea to make cards for all the teachers for their birthdays and place them near the notice board so everyone can sign. I tot dat was great! Jus means that she has to make them. And i was responsible to be preparing gifts and making sure i leave it at the person's table on his/her big day. She requested for the birthday list so i gave her wat i had - which is kinda like a few loose sheets of staff list w their DOB scribbled on them. They r all i had coz dat was wat the office gave me.
"Huh?So messy one ar?....*long silence pregnant w frustration*"
"Yeah dats all i have. Haven;t managed to find the time to put everything in order." I replied.
And frustration plus irritation permeated the space b/w our 2 cubicles. At dat moment i cldn't tahan anymore (w the slapping of books on her table and stuff) so i immediately opened my laptop and tried to churn out an Excel file listing all the DOBs of the staff...went home to finetune it and sorted them all out.
Next day, i handed her the rough copy. I m amazed at myself how certain combinations of things can get me going. Again shall i say i m baffled.
On the supervisor's side, one week after i handed in my work review, she came back and told me i missed out a page in printing. Pg no.s were in running order but one part was cut off. Mystifiying. Anyway printed it out. Wat surprises me mre is how my work review can still be w her since the deadline was way over. Gosh, i need dat piece of document for my confirmation. Hmmm...
Oh and i didnt realise ur supe is supposed to let u c wat she wrote under Reporting Officer's column before asking u to sign. I was asked to sign it while it was empty. Thank God she didnt wrote anything nasty or untrue if not i wld be dead since i had signed it. Managed to sneak a peek while i was rearranging and placing the missing part inside. Apparently my other supe R was nice enuff to show me wat L has asked to write abt me. And the funny thing is, L copied word for word wat R wrote w/o adding anything of her own.
Maybe all these r reasons y i had a dream dis morn. I brought the brownies out for sm stuff and it was pretty bizarre wat acitivities we took part. Den as i was walking away fr the place, i sorta met my P. And strangely i walked into the GEP office which was weirdly next to my sch building. i went in, requesting to sign up for the GEP again. I was given dis test form (supposed to be done in 4 hrs?!). There was dis other close male fren w me, tho i cant rem who he was. Anyway, my P waltzed in and dropped off her car key, implying i can take her car and use it to go home. I looked at my male fren. Sadly he also didnt knoe how to drive.
Cool yeah?Hahahhaaa...
Nothing seems to hurt much now. Been able to handle watever comes my way and brush off not so nice stuff. Prob the revelation of the Cross. Watever i go thru aint mean anything when i look at the cross.
On the ministry side, still deciding prison or youth ministry. But amazingly, dis gal i was suppoed to be taking care of received Christ yez. Praise God!=) Somehow i feel maybe i shld juz stick to dis for a while. I dunno...had a lot of thoughts as i was talking to her....fears of mentoring someone so young and so raw.
And one thing struck. I was talking to a new fren when she turned to me and said "Hey, dun leave me behind." I dunno if u understand wat i mean but i felt mebbe dats where God wans me to stay...stay put.
Guys side, well...not achiveing much. LOL. HAve been so wiped out i hardly hav time to think. Well, voluntary baldness is still 'in'. Shank is still somewhere ard....i tink...via icq.
Oops
Didnt realise i hav been MIA till i saw audz's post in the forlorn flooble board on the right. Thing is, i haven really been touching the comp @ home. Typical day for me the past week has been work, work, crash, hit the sack.
And things r getting heavier by the min. I glanced at the April calendar and realised my Sats r packed for the whole of the month. Dat made me not wanna look at the month of May. Filled w activities dat r neither voluntary or exciting. How bt dat?
Hmm...okie...since my faithful audience has requested for an update, thou shalt have it!
A poke in the back
Experienced a slight prock in the back recently by my not so neighbourly cubicle mate. Apparently M was in charge of the welfare notice board in the staff room and she's done fantastic work by putting up notices abt babies born and weddings etc. So one time a fellow colleague juz feedback to me dat the "Coming births" notice may not be appropriate as she's worried ppl may be pun tang soi tot wow...okie...and proceeded to tell dis to M. Well, she retorted dat she had already asked permission from the mothers-to-be.
"Oh okie...gd den." Shrugging my shoulders, i went back to work. Little did i know that some mornings later, ,my welfare com head stopped me in the morning at the office. She wanted to know wat was 'it' about and wat i told M. I was looking like wat-the-hell r u toking abt.
Apparently M went to her to complain abt the 'feedback' dat i gave her. (My welfare head is one of the mothers-to-be mentioned in the notice) So my welfare head wanted to clear any 'misunderstandings' in the committee. I m truly baffled.
Sadly another incident concerning M too. Well, not realli an episode but she's been having dis angsty vibe abt her...the kind dat u knoe she mitebite u anytime. She came up w a great idea to make cards for all the teachers for their birthdays and place them near the notice board so everyone can sign. I tot dat was great! Jus means that she has to make them. And i was responsible to be preparing gifts and making sure i leave it at the person's table on his/her big day. She requested for the birthday list so i gave her wat i had - which is kinda like a few loose sheets of staff list w their DOB scribbled on them. They r all i had coz dat was wat the office gave me.
"Huh?So messy one ar?....*long silence pregnant w frustration*"
"Yeah dats all i have. Haven;t managed to find the time to put everything in order." I replied.
And frustration plus irritation permeated the space b/w our 2 cubicles. At dat moment i cldn't tahan anymore (w the slapping of books on her table and stuff) so i immediately opened my laptop and tried to churn out an Excel file listing all the DOBs of the staff...went home to finetune it and sorted them all out.
Next day, i handed her the rough copy. I m amazed at myself how certain combinations of things can get me going. Again shall i say i m baffled.
On the supervisor's side, one week after i handed in my work review, she came back and told me i missed out a page in printing. Pg no.s were in running order but one part was cut off. Mystifiying. Anyway printed it out. Wat surprises me mre is how my work review can still be w her since the deadline was way over. Gosh, i need dat piece of document for my confirmation. Hmmm...
Oh and i didnt realise ur supe is supposed to let u c wat she wrote under Reporting Officer's column before asking u to sign. I was asked to sign it while it was empty. Thank God she didnt wrote anything nasty or untrue if not i wld be dead since i had signed it. Managed to sneak a peek while i was rearranging and placing the missing part inside. Apparently my other supe R was nice enuff to show me wat L has asked to write abt me. And the funny thing is, L copied word for word wat R wrote w/o adding anything of her own.
Maybe all these r reasons y i had a dream dis morn. I brought the brownies out for sm stuff and it was pretty bizarre wat acitivities we took part. Den as i was walking away fr the place, i sorta met my P. And strangely i walked into the GEP office which was weirdly next to my sch building. i went in, requesting to sign up for the GEP again. I was given dis test form (supposed to be done in 4 hrs?!). There was dis other close male fren w me, tho i cant rem who he was. Anyway, my P waltzed in and dropped off her car key, implying i can take her car and use it to go home. I looked at my male fren. Sadly he also didnt knoe how to drive.
Cool yeah?Hahahhaaa...
Nothing seems to hurt much now. Been able to handle watever comes my way and brush off not so nice stuff. Prob the revelation of the Cross. Watever i go thru aint mean anything when i look at the cross.
On the ministry side, still deciding prison or youth ministry. But amazingly, dis gal i was suppoed to be taking care of received Christ yez. Praise God!=) Somehow i feel maybe i shld juz stick to dis for a while. I dunno...had a lot of thoughts as i was talking to her....fears of mentoring someone so young and so raw.
And one thing struck. I was talking to a new fren when she turned to me and said "Hey, dun leave me behind." I dunno if u understand wat i mean but i felt mebbe dats where God wans me to stay...stay put.
Guys side, well...not achiveing much. LOL. HAve been so wiped out i hardly hav time to think. Well, voluntary baldness is still 'in'. Shank is still somewhere ard....i tink...via icq.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
AftertotsCame back and realised that i have left my disk w my weekly lessonplan in it...which means i cant do my planning tonite which = big rush tom. Oh well, smhow not really bothered by it.
Felt a renewed sense of being (if it means anything)....as if i can do anything if i put my heart and soul into it...of coz God-willed. Yeah...and it's been a rewarding weekend, tho not much rest. Revelation of the cross they call it...well revelation indeed. Watching it on film speaks more and leaves a greater impact...a visual person i m....transcends those words that u read.
Anyway, its been a long week...juz managed to 'catch up' w mich and audz via their blogs...hmm yeah mebbe ben is rite that blogging aint exactly good. Building r/s shld be more than mere info....its a experience of gg thru stuff w each other, in real time and space. Will be planning to catch them in real life den...
Still thinking abt wat elison shared abt area of ministry on fri...either prisons or the prc sec sch kids. Mind is still balnk..mebbe He will speak to me somehow dis week. ANd i 'shared' more than usual...hahaha..now someone is pretty entertained w my life...siaks...my secret is out!
Since i cant do my planning..shall go to sleep....nitez!
Thursday, April 01, 2004
The story of dear old Ham HamLearnt a thing or 2 abt counselling kids todae...dat amazing God realli takes over wat u say when u r talking abt sensitive issues w a kiddo.
Had a unique experience w zhixuan, my p4 boy, today. He didnt do his work and handed in a blank ex. so naturalli i was mad. Called his mum...he kinda had a history of slow development fr young and was in the LSP. Mum implied dat he was recently saddened by the death of his hamster. HAving taken note of dis significant piece of info, i proceeded to his class to talk to him.
Lil' did i know at the very mention of his hamster, he burst into tears - complete w mucus and all.
"Errmmm wats the name of ur hamster?"
"*sobbing*..Ha...Ha....Hammm Hammm....*sobbing*...."
(x3)
"Oh...Ham HAm....i c...okie...so he died. How did he die?"
"*sobbing*...heee...hee...he was bitten by a spider!!!*voice escalating*"
Yup...our poor boy's Ham HAm. Let me juz relate the poor hamster's sad short life on earth. He had a set of parents like any normal hamters do and brothers too. Tragedy has it dat his whole family was wiped by a vicious cat, leaving dis poor lonely soul on earth. With the love and care of the master, he blossumed into a lump of fur.
The unfortunate and inevitable came. Itsy bitsy spider came along, bit Ham Ham and he died.
Desperate to comfort him, out came talks of Ham Ham being in heaven, how happy he was coz now he is w his parents and siblings. How Ham Ham will be reallii upset to see the master upset and not doing his work...making teachers mad.
Gosh...i cant go on...dis is embarrassing.
R shared dat he wld crush Ham Ham..dats how mad he is at zhixuan for not doing his stuff too. HAHAaHHAHA,...the highlight of my day...dear HAm HAm.
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