Monday, July 16, 2007
Feeling pretty unsettled emotionally this week. Emotions just seem to surge and I can barely describe how I'm feeling. One of the triggers is probably Corrine May's upcoming Beautiful Seed concert. Just as I was thinking of booking the ticket online, I realised that I needed to find another who's willing to go with me. That led me to think of people who probably are my pals but are just not interested. Interested parties are perhaps a little tricky to invite. My convenient and trusty sis is having camp on that day. I can somehow see the future ahead of me - no buddy, no Corrine. It's probably not that important, I can always give Corrine a miss I guess, having gone for most of her homecoming concerts since I fell in love with 'Journey'.Yet no one but me knows the significance of each concert to me. Each song, each word is like ministry to me. Strangely no matter where I am in the season of life, her songs just seem to echo and resonate within my soul. Often not, I'm touched by the songs, as if God is using them to speak to me, or even stories of my lil' short life.
Quite worried abt my little heart. Not too long ago, I asked God to heal that part that has been aching so much, and He did released me from much bitterness. I'm still grieving over the loss but I know He's slowly healing me. I'm just so afraid to let my little heart feel again, just in case I get hurt or disappointed all over again. There's always this instinctive self-check if my heart goes out to someone, wondering if it will come back broken and bruised. Perhaps even the person responsible may not know.
Nuff' of the ramblings...moving on to the lighter fluffier stuff. This is my rice-bento-box story, courtesy of Ed Silvoso's conference. Weird that only me and cyn would feel so much about the dinner.
Before I go on, just a check - Will you be satisfied with eating sandwiches for dinner?
Option (A) Yes
(B) No - obviously!
If your answer to the above question is (A), you are someone who do not appreciate a good meal, let alone a good dinner. You gobble up whatever you can lay your hands on and probably do not care what you are eating as long as your stomach gets filled up.
If your answer is (B), congratulations! You belong to the food-appreciative lot. Firstly, my theory - no one, I mean NO ONE, will ever want to or willing eat sandwiches (let alone TUNA) for dinner, while there are other choices like seafood fried rice and veg pasta. I think only Cyn can empathise with me on this.
The pain comes in a greater measure when my fellow cell member's hubby sweetly exchanged his rice with her sad sandwich (note: alliteration) upon the knowledge that his poor wifey has to rely on bread to sustain the evening. The stab in the heart came when she offered to share with me, insisting that it was more than enough for her.
At that very instant, it was as if the heavens opened and the veil from my eyes was taken away - I NEED a Boyfriend/Husband/Watever that is willing to trade his bento box for mine. Rice is nice - no matter lunch or dinner.
So, if you happen to chance upon this entry, and know anyone who's willing to do that (you yourself included, provided that you are a male), step right up and drop your contact in the tag board below.
As if the revelation did not hit home, the movie Bad English certainly did. An older woman so feared being alone that she plunges herself into relationships that did not pay off. Pressure from friends, family and within herself took a toll on her. I simply loved the part where one of the French man was advising her in a bar - that most people look for someone to be there for them, yet some people look for the magic in relationships, which sadly, not all everyone will find it.
Ouch, you can simply hear my heart crack that instant. Thankfully, no one else at the theatre did. How poignant!
Someone told me this, and I can still remember so clearly the words: 'Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.'
I can only say I'm trying my best.
Labels: Ramblings
about
nadir...loves Big Guy, dad-mum-sis-bro-granz, donkey, audz-ben-abby-shalom,
plugged to
donkey's ipod in the cararchives
11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002
12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
links
Audz
Mich
Piper
Dawndie
Abel
Broz
Elison
Alvin
Nimlight
Tribe
Darling 6E Kiddos
Darling 6K Kiddos
taggie
|
|
links
blogskins
spiritual home
photobucket
corrine may
credits
designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins
