Five Loaves & Two Fishes

A little boy of thirteen was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly, the day turned into night
Everyone was hungry but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox, at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do, there thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus, the kindness in His smile
And the bor cried out with the trust if a child
He said

Chorus:
"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all, to feed them all."

I often think of that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord you can work miracles
All you need is my 'Amen'

*Chorus

I trust in you
I trust in you

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all, no gift is too small

This is truly one day where I completely felt patriotic, especially when we all sang the Majulah Singapura, recite the national pledge and goosebumps instantaneously stood up when the kiddos sang along to a familiar national day song. Plus the fact that I do get a holiday - two days to be exact - for this special occasion.

Many people will no doubt have many misgivings and complaints about this sunny island. Firstly, what is with the fuss of the pronunciation of 'Espla-nard' and 'Espla -nade'? Or about the white elephant LRT station Buangkok, conveniently located near the IMH? Or about the increase in GST? Or the increasing power of netizens declaring their stands and takes on matters of the nation? Or (okie, this one really gets to me) the tagline for our dear Tourism Board's promotion for the nation titled 'Uniquely Singapore'? Shouldn't it be "Uniquely SingaporEAN'? Or if you insist, 'Unique Singapore' and drop the 'ly' at the end. What happened to the 4 master teachers who evade our papers every weekend to complain about falling standards of English and the common errors we Singaporeans make daily? Shouldn't they stand up to say something about such a glaring mistake?

However, whenever I consider the relatively clean and non-potholed roads we have, the natural shelter from sunny weather planted almost every two three steps apart along the roads, the regular workers in neon vests digging or resurfacing roads which I remember to have perfectly no problems, free tissue packets given as advertisement flyers, free music from buskers awaiting you as you waltz into the train stations, free newspapers to entertain you on your almost seamless train rides, people scrambling for National Day tickets and even offering high bids for them, donating a few coins in exchange for a sticker to avoid pesky flag students...the list goes on, I thank God for this little red dot where we really have been immensely blessed.

Yes, I belong to the group of people who feel the fireworks is the best and only worthy item of the entire parade. That tearing down the National Stadium is really a sad but inevitable end - who can forget the ammonia scented walkways in the labyrinth of steps and stairs? That the older national day songs like Stand Up for Singapore, We are Singapore etc are still the best songs ever composed to stir up national pride. I wouldn't want to be in another place, though I have not seen much of the world out there but enough for me to feel at home right here.

Hmm..on second thoughts, if only we start to pay teachers more since it is the most overworked and underpaid profession around, and start appreciating and showing them respect. Now that will be really ho seh!

Lastly, something to make your day as it did for me...

What Teachers Make, or
Objection Overruled, or
If things don't work out, you can always go to law school

By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

He says the problem with teachers is, "What's a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"
He reminds the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about
teachers:
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his
and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests
that it's also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we're eating, after all, and this is polite company.

"I mean, you¹re a teacher, Taylor," he says.
"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that
(asked me to be honest)
because, you see, I have a policy
about honesty and ass-kicking:
if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional medal of honor
and an A- feel like a slap in the face.
How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence. No, you may not work in groups.
No, you may not ask a question.
Why won't I let you get a drink of water?
Because you're not thirsty, you're bored, that's why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:
I hope I haven't called at a bad time,
I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.
Billy said, "Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don't you?"
And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are
and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write, write, write.
And then I make them read.
I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely
beautiful
over and over and over again until they will never misspell
either one of those words again.
I make them show all their work in math.
And hide it on their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you got this (brains)
then you follow this (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you
by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:
I make a goddamn difference! What about you?

Have you ever felt like crying but somehow you can't seem to do it? Was almost choked to tears twice while hugging 2 gals today - siti when she came to say bye, and audz when she dropped me off after work.

Just an avalanche of emotions, possibly stemming from my kiddo B who simply refused to help himself, a compulsive liar and tries to win your favour back when he does somthing wrong. It's simply so tiringand emotionally draining. I feel there is nothing else I can give. And this helplessness pervades even beyond the teaching part...it's slowly seeping in to my soul as I continue to rush from place to place, project to project, work to work, person to person. It makes me want to lie down, refuse to do anything but curl myself up and sleep myself silly.

Came across this page and thought it was a pretty interesting detailed response to depression.

Anyway, read this inspiring speech (which apparently appeared in Akeelah and the Bee which I have not caught) in class yesterday. We had a fun time reading ot out for our oracy module.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

How cool is that. I'm thinking of things I can do to cheer my lil' wounded soul up, like catching the fireworks on thurs night (but not with the crowds), going to the Jay Chou movie, heading for a run, hug someone and cry on their shoulder...

Was reminded of his scar when mine started to feel a little painful today. Can't say that mine is as exciting as his lightning-shaped one, but you can give me credit for the sheer length of it all. Managed to get the gynae appointment next Fri, meaning my National Day weekend will be incredibly filled with 'meaningful' outings and lesser time to bum around at home nor get the rest which I desperately need. I have taken to sleeping beside a pile of unmarked compositions beside me every night. Latest update: I managed to clear a stack from last term, which means I have one stack left as well as two fresh piles from the recent diagnostic test.

Anyway, Harry's a disappointment. So much talk about his impending death and I had to shut others out in fear they will reveal the ending to me. Starting a new book, A Spot of Bother, by Mark Haddon. Was waiting for the soft-cover book to arrive.

Headed to Spa Esprit Downtown for a Scent-sational Aromatherapy Massage yesterday evening. The online menu describes it...