Monday, February 23, 2009
Tried to moderate my blog postings whenever possible to include a positve entry with a negative (aka whining post) so as not to display general passiveness and pessimistic sharings about my sad tragic little life. =)Too bad this one is a negative one. Just needed the space to let this out before it eats me inside. Probably the frustration stems from many individual episodes of 'sh*t' clearing and I really don't know when enough is enough. Or perhaps I'm just the 'lucky' one or the convenient one for that matter. I am beginning to suspect this is part of my job scope.
Anyway, it was a Saturday morning to school without my car (I am seriously pampered and spoilt) to take 2 cute lil' boys for a competition at Buena V. Someone who is reading this should know (I think she does) that I really really love you a lot. What I was (still am a little)unhappy about was the possible offered solutions behind-the-scenes, which rendered me the only available one to carry out this duty. So my dear, you are not the one to blame for my plight.
Sometimes I really wonder (up to now) if that few extra bucks per month is worth it. I love the core part of my job, the kids and all, but certainly not the additional top-ups. Okay, I've said it all. Think I feel better right now. =) Think after much reflection, especially on Sunday during worship, that I really need Him to give me the guidance on walking this path. Almost one year down and I am still struggling with the demands of the job. Others seem to think I'm doing fine, because they tell me so in full confidence. It doesn't make things easier. Let's get through this week, leaving the week into the Lord's hands. With J's wedding this Saturday, I doubt I can get the rest I want again.
On a side note, I think I am really beginning to be one of those irritating complain queens around and I hate myself for that. ARRGHH! I aspire to change. Change I must and will do.
Hmmm, so I need something uplifting to level up this post. End with a cheery note. I am slowly discovering how, besides having Him who loves me so much, having someone can be a huge blessing. It is not a need to have a particular someone. To me, it is a bonus and I thank God for it. Inside me I still have a quiet fear that things may not work out but I am learning to give this little hushed fear to the Lord. I have never felt quite like this in any previous relationships, perhaps because I wasn't totally letting myself go. So, if he happens to be reading this, I want to say I thank God for you and you have blessed me more than what I have for you.=)
Psalm 25:4-5
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Labels: Ramblings
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