Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Where shall I start?I had the luxury of staying at home today while my fellow colleagues are slogging it out in school. Gives me the time to reflect upon what He revealed during Sunday's service. Tried to wait in His presence at least twice last week, taking time out from ever-mounting marking and work but it did not seem those 'I'm sure He's there' moment. Maybe I was too tired. The funny thing is when I prayed last night for the people in my list and their blessings, including my class, I actually fell asleep...and started mumbling strange prayers which were probably random thoughts in my head. I bet God is having a great time laughing at me upon hearing strange incoherent prayers.
Starting thinking about the meaning of fatigue on Saturday, during the play of King Lear. Maybe mentally I was quite exhausted to really appreciate it to the fullest. I was straining my ears the whole time and processing what the actors were saying. It didn't help that I have not read the play, though I knew the gist of the story. At the end of it all, of course, as in the greatest tragedy, I sniffled and controlled my tears, but not without frying all my brain cells and setting brain activity into hyperdrive.
In the words of my colleague YL, she called me 'bo si teng', loosely translated as cannot sit still. This is largely due to the fact that being my cubicle neighbour, she has witnessed me getting in and out of my cubicle countless time within an hour and mostly, I'm not at my seat. I started wondering if it is due to the new 'position' which is given that caused me so much work that I cannot manage to handle the added jobs on top of everyday marking load.
So as I was listening to a friend telling me how tired he was and all in his teaching job, inside I was pondering the whole meaning and purpose of being 'busy'. If God wants me to make a difference, why will I be fluttering from place to place and task to task? Whenever I mention how busy I am to people around me, I seem to get the impression that I am brushed over.
"Yah, you are busy. We all are..."
Thus, I've given up talking to people about it since I felt I sound whiny. To tell the truth, if you ask me what I am busy with, I probably will be stuck and unable to answer you.
I'm beginning to appreciate the worship time during service. Somehow, He always ministers through ps Eugene's words. This week, it's from Jer 29:11-13...
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
The word 'plans' seems to pop out. Plural, not singular unit. More than one. To prosper me, not to harm me. To give me hope and a future.
In times like these, I thank Him that I still have this blog to rant to...and sort out my thoughts as I type the words out. I guess this blog has gone beyond its initial purpose, of updating my life with the other two dears, to becoming an avenue for me to reflect. Like a trusty friend I thought I never had to bounce off ideas and thoughts with. A constant companion that listens and absorbs whatever my complaints or sharing may be.
Anyway, I'm thinking about the Corrine May's concert and decided I shall not go. Even if I am to venture there alone, the entire thing is not worth the cab fare. NUS Cultural Centre! I can just imagine the crowds...the taxi queue.
On a lighter note, I just saw the trailer of 'Secrets', a cheena movie directed by jay. I know it is probably sucky and all...but this one...I shall go for even if I can't con anyone into it!
Labels: Serious Rambling
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Something for the day when one song simply does not quite cut it - you get six with this!
Jason Mraz - I'm Yours
Howie Day - Collide
Five For Fighting - Superman
Angela Ammons - Always Getting Over You
Boyzone - All That I Need
3 Doors Down - Here Without You
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
She makes me wanna give birth!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Feeling pretty unsettled emotionally this week. Emotions just seem to surge and I can barely describe how I'm feeling. One of the triggers is probably Corrine May's upcoming Beautiful Seed concert. Just as I was thinking of booking the ticket online, I realised that I needed to find another who's willing to go with me. That led me to think of people who probably are my pals but are just not interested. Interested parties are perhaps a little tricky to invite. My convenient and trusty sis is having camp on that day. I can somehow see the future ahead of me - no buddy, no Corrine. It's probably not that important, I can always give Corrine a miss I guess, having gone for most of her homecoming concerts since I fell in love with 'Journey'.Yet no one but me knows the significance of each concert to me. Each song, each word is like ministry to me. Strangely no matter where I am in the season of life, her songs just seem to echo and resonate within my soul. Often not, I'm touched by the songs, as if God is using them to speak to me, or even stories of my lil' short life.
Quite worried abt my little heart. Not too long ago, I asked God to heal that part that has been aching so much, and He did released me from much bitterness. I'm still grieving over the loss but I know He's slowly healing me. I'm just so afraid to let my little heart feel again, just in case I get hurt or disappointed all over again. There's always this instinctive self-check if my heart goes out to someone, wondering if it will come back broken and bruised. Perhaps even the person responsible may not know.
Nuff' of the ramblings...moving on to the lighter fluffier stuff. This is my rice-bento-box story, courtesy of Ed Silvoso's conference. Weird that only me and cyn would feel so much about the dinner.
Before I go on, just a check - Will you be satisfied with eating sandwiches for dinner?
Option (A) Yes
(B) No - obviously!
If your answer to the above question is (A), you are someone who do not appreciate a good meal, let alone a good dinner. You gobble up whatever you can lay your hands on and probably do not care what you are eating as long as your stomach gets filled up.
If your answer is (B), congratulations! You belong to the food-appreciative lot. Firstly, my theory - no one, I mean NO ONE, will ever want to or willing eat sandwiches (let alone TUNA) for dinner, while there are other choices like seafood fried rice and veg pasta. I think only Cyn can empathise with me on this.
The pain comes in a greater measure when my fellow cell member's hubby sweetly exchanged his rice with her sad sandwich (note: alliteration) upon the knowledge that his poor wifey has to rely on bread to sustain the evening. The stab in the heart came when she offered to share with me, insisting that it was more than enough for her.
At that very instant, it was as if the heavens opened and the veil from my eyes was taken away - I NEED a Boyfriend/Husband/Watever that is willing to trade his bento box for mine. Rice is nice - no matter lunch or dinner.
So, if you happen to chance upon this entry, and know anyone who's willing to do that (you yourself included, provided that you are a male), step right up and drop your contact in the tag board below.
As if the revelation did not hit home, the movie Bad English certainly did. An older woman so feared being alone that she plunges herself into relationships that did not pay off. Pressure from friends, family and within herself took a toll on her. I simply loved the part where one of the French man was advising her in a bar - that most people look for someone to be there for them, yet some people look for the magic in relationships, which sadly, not all everyone will find it.
Ouch, you can simply hear my heart crack that instant. Thankfully, no one else at the theatre did. How poignant!
Someone told me this, and I can still remember so clearly the words: 'Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.'
I can only say I'm trying my best.
Labels: Ramblings
Sunday, July 15, 2007
One word that the Lord spoke during service today that really hit me...wait (in submission).Isaiah 40:31
'Those that wait on the Lord will soar with wings like eagles...'
It is not merely the act of waiting, but to wait on Him, the drawing close to a God that loves you so much.
Why do we not hear answers to what we ask or pray for? Perhaps we ain't close enough to hear the whispers of God. Like the story shared by pastor today - God usually whispers in His answers. Our response? Draw close to Him and you will meet Him face to face. Therein lie your answers. Incline your ear towards Him, snuggle up to His feet and simply wait as He speaks.
Labels: Ramblings
Saturday, July 14, 2007
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